I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
