So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
