grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
