On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
