i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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