We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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