Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
