I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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