i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
