I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
