and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
