dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
