I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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