I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
