You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
