he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
