Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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