I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
