he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
