I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
