I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
