Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
