I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
