so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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