don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
