So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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