Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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