I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
