chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
