Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
