Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
