I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
