he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
