I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
