Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
