So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
