the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
