hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize