my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
