I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
