Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im part way to drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
