In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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