Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
