i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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