i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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