dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
