My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
