Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
