So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So drunk its hurt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
