her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
