You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Enjoy the penises
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
