So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
