dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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