I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
