I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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